


gold silk threads in ice water

by pyrality



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Character Study, Experimental, M/M, Mostly Kise's POV, Pining, Relationship Study
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-28
Updated: 2013-11-28
Packaged: 2018-01-02 20:43:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,922
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1061424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pyrality/pseuds/pyrality
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><blockquote>
  <p>It is a slow romance, slow and painful, and Kise has taught himself to become patient. Or the story of a promiscuous teen who is impulsive in all the wrong ways and has strange ideas about courtship and romance.</p>
</blockquote>
            </blockquote>





	gold silk threads in ice water

"For all your bitching that people are obvious about their crushes," the black-haired teen closes the gym door with an emphasizing slam, "you really shouldn't be talking."

Kise knows what Kasamatsu is implying; he knows and it forces him towards a reality he is unwilling to admit. Instead, he smiles, charm and sugar.  
  
"It's just harmless dating advice every now and then," he grins, winking at his captain as the both of them start walking through the school. "I could try to set something nice up for senpai too." He nudges Kasamatsu with a gentle elbow, earning a half-hearted glare from the older boy.  
  
"Empty romanticism never got anyone anywhere," Kasamatsu tells him after a moment, gaze straight ahead as they keep walking. It's a quiet urge for Kise to chase his happiness in a way that befits him, rather than idle sitting back and letting things flow.  
  
Kise Ryouta is a patient man, no matter what everyone thinks, and he can wait for the moon and the stars and the earth to fall if he needs to. He knows what he feels; it hurts so deeply that it must be love, the searing kind, the type that never fades, even with time.  
  
"I know." Kise dips his head forward, an honest and melancholy smile on his lips. He tucks his hands into his pockets, shoulders hunching, burrowing his face into his cream-colored scarf. "But being an empty romantic is all I know."  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kuroko Tetsuya is not an easy person to be in love with. He is a boy who's affectionate in such sparing, strange ways, a boy who's only openly soft and tender in the desperate moments of his own loneliness.  
  
Kise watches when Kuroko excuses himself from Kagami with the faintest smile to talk to him. It's not love, just friendship, a trust between partners, and Kise is so envious because that is a relationship he's never had with Kuroko. It is a relationship he never knew he wanted until it was too late to ask for it. Kise wants many things. He wants to have designer clothes, he wants to do well in his classes, he wants to stay friends with the Generation of Miracles, he wants to keep playing for Kaijo High, he wants to win for Kaijo High. But there aren't many things he yearns for. Kise knows he's a selfish person and egotistical and cowardly. And his desires for these few things, the few things he yearns for, showcases how grossly selfish he is.  
  
But he still pines after them.  
  
He wants Kuroko Tetsuya's affection. He wants to be his boyfriend, he wants to be the only one Kuroko ever looks at, he wants to be adored for being Kuroko's boyfriend. He wants. He wants such things that he can't have.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kise's mother is a romantic and she talks to him frequently about TV dramas and soaps she watches. He doesn't watch as many as she does and he'll never admit to it, but he has a real soft spot for silly romcoms, soft and sweet romances. He always loves how excited his mom gets when she talks, dramatic and intense as though it were the coming together of two people she actually knew. Sometimes he sits with her on the couch and they talk about love and life and the universe and Kise is grateful his mother is so understanding and loving. Sometimes, he watches shows by himself in his room, on days when he doesn't feel like socializing for hours with his mom.   
  
It's ironic, Kise thinks, as he curls his toes into his bedsheets, wrapping his arms around his knees as he watches the TV. The lead male leans in very slowly to kiss the girl's forehead, hand tentative on her arm. Romance has been romanticized. He reaches for the remote and thumbs the TV off, flopping down in bed with a sigh, throwing his arm over his face.   
  
Love isn't like it is in the movies. Not nearly as sweet, more often driven by social status, petty crushes, and thrill-seeking impulses. He's dated guys, girls, and nonbinary people; he's had many different relationships. It's not a fact he shares with many people, he's sure the Teikou team is relatively aware of his loose dating habits. Kise wouldn't say he's really ashamed of it-- he likes being in a relationship. Sure, he's shallow and attention-seeking but is that so wrong? He's still young after all. He doesn't care what people say about him because of it, but he realized near the end of their last year at Teikou, that he did care of at least Kuroko's opinion of him.   
  
The blue-haired boy has never said anything about the smear of lipstick just below his jaw, but Kise is sure he's noticed, because Kuroko is observant like that. He desperately wants to know if Kuroko's chosen silence because he's disappointed and upset or simply because he just doesn't care what Kise does with his life. After middle school, when joining the team, there was less time to date. He's not out with people as much anymore, and he likes to think he's grown out of his impulsiveness and that he's less hedonistic than before.  
  
But that's not really true.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kuroko keeps his light novel open with his thumb and pinky pressed against either side of the book while cradling the spine of the book with his other fingers. He only uses his other hand to flip the pages, otherwise he keeps it to hang onto his vanilla milkshake. Kise stirs his own drink absently as he watches the other boy. He mourns the fact that perhaps he'll never be enough to keep Kuroko's attention on him, perhaps because he's not interesting in the same way that the Seirin starter finds other people.  
  
Kuroko's eyes widen just slightly and he leans forward to squint at the page. A few strands of his bangs— his hair really has gotten a bit long— fall in front of his eyes. Before he can reach up to push them aside himself, Kise finds he's already stretched his hand across the gap to smooth his hair back. The Kaijo ace thinks of romance, of perfect scenes in teenage love dramas, and he lets his fingers linger against his forehead.  
  
Kuroko looks up at him with curious, slightly surprised eyes before he murmurs, "Your fingers are cold," around his straw.  
  
The model laughs shakily, a nervous and high-pitched sound. He can feel his cheeks burst with heat as he hastily withdraws his hand. His coordination has been thrown off, and he bumps into his drink, unceremoniously spilling it over his lap. He yelps as the hot liquid seeps through his pants, far too close to certain areas for comfort. He doesn't see the way Kuroko's lips curve in a fond smile before he hides it behind his book and slides a napkin across the table to him.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kise flusters, tugging at his cardigan in hopes that it will cover the dark coffee stain on his white pants. He curls forward, flushing as his fingers wrap into the cloth and yank insistently, even though he knows it's hopeless. Kise just hopes at this point that he doesn't encounter any fans on the bus ride home. Kuroko suddenly steps forward, close to him, and Kise forgets how to breathe for a moment. The smaller boy reaches up and adjusts the Kaijo ace's scarf carefully.  
  
"It's not like you to be clumsy, Kise-kun," and his voice has the barest hint of private amusement, like he is completely pleased at Kise's expense.   
  
The blond teen feels his cheeks heat up further. He catches Kuroko's gaze for a second, sees his short eyelashes lightly curling against pale skin, sees the white wisps of his breath, and he looks away.  
  
"You aren't very nice, Kurokocchi," he whispers, just barely audible behind the cloth of his scarf.  
  
Being in love— true love— not just infatuation, is not the great thing that dramas portray it to be. How often do romance dramas accurately portray the long and careful road it actually takes to form a meaningful relationship? Do they ever go into the small nuances of love, the small things, like falling in love with the way someone moves, the slightest movement of someone's finger, the way their lips curl, the batter of their eyelashes. Do they ever talk about what it feels like when you see them do something cute, the too-warm rush of affection flooding throughout your body, the want to reach out and hug them.   
  
Kise Ryouta is irrevocably in love with love and he wishes for a romance he does not and cannot have.  
  
The smaller boy leans forward, hands wrapped around the ends of Kise's scarf, tugging lightly. "Please don't say such mean things," he responds, lips just scarcely hitched up in a smile as he tilts his head to look up at him.  
  
Kise can't tell if Kuroko is being purposefully devious and teasing, but it doesn't matter, because for the moment he is very close to the object of his affections, and he still wants a person he's sure he cannot have.  
  
Kuroko looks at him for a very long time, pale blue eyes boring into his own, like he can see beyond the spectrum of Kise's gold eyes and into the depths of his heart. He looks as though he could reach inside of him and brush his fingers against the wings of the butterflies inside Kise's stomach.  
  
Kise Ryouta is not a poet, but he thinks he could be one for Kuroko.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
"It's hard, isn't it?"  
  
Kise looks up from his phone, glancing at the pink-haired girl by his side. He'd been browsing his twitter feed and a few texts from his modeling manager about his next photoshoot. He feels a little guilty for getting a little distracted by the onslaught of messages to his social media platforms when Momoi is right beside him. They haven't seen each other in awhile. He clicks his phone screen off and tucks his phone back into his coat pocket.  
  
"What's hard?" the blond asks, meeting Momoi's clear gaze as she walks by his side.  
  
She smiles and tucks her hands behind her back, closing her eyes, expression smug. "Being in love with Tetsu-kun, of course!" she says next, casual, as though it were the most obvious fact in the world.  
  
Kise almost walks straight into a streetlight.  
  
"What?" he splutters, cheeks flaring up in heat.  
  
The only person that Kise is aware of that knows with certainty his feelings for Kuroko is Kasamatsu. People don't often give the Kaijo captain enough credit-- the black-haired leader is more emotionally observant than others would think.  
  
Momoi shoots him a sly look, smirking. "Did you really think I wouldn't notice, Ki-chan?" She brings her hand up to spread her fingers against her collarbones, lifting her head up in a dainty gesture. "I'm the data collector, after all. I don't discriminate what intel I pick up," she grins at him, clearly pleased with herself.  
  
"You could make a lucrative side business out of blackmail," Kise tries to deflect weakly.  
  
It's a no-go. Momoi's pace picks up as she starts skipping. She leans towards him, a mischievous look in her rose pink eyes. "So it's hard being in love with Tetsu-kun, isn't it?"  
  
"You aren't mad?" he asks hesitantly, confused by how amiable Momoi is. Maybe she's not concerned because she doesn't consider him a romantic rival at all.  
  
"Why would I be?" the Touou Gakuen manager blinks. "I liked Tetsu-kun... but it was clear he didn't feel the same way." She smiles, a slightly rueful look appearing on her face. "So I thought it was better to leave it be." Her expression brightens again as she says her next words, "I'm dating Dai-chan now!"  
  
So that idiot's pining ended up paying off, Kise manages to think. It makes him a little hopeful too, for his hopeless pining situation. He looks down at Momoi and he feels simultaneously gratitude and relief. Gratitude because she doesn't dismiss his feelings and accepts them cheerfully, relief because Kise wouldn't have been able to compete with her as a love rival. She's wonderful in every regard and if Kise hadn't found himself utterly in love with Kuroko Tetsuya, he might've felt inclined to try and court Momoi Satsuki.  
  
"I called him out today, you know."  
  
Kise blinks. "Aominecchi?"  
  
"No, silly, Tetsu-kun!" she answers, voice perky, eyes sparkling. She's always wanted a chance to play Cupid. "I said I wanted to go shopping and he told me he needed to buy some new clothes and that he'd be happy to accompany me."  
  
Kise prays for inner strength.  
  
Momoi grins, clearly satisfied with herself. "Of course, I've already done all of my shopping."  
  
"Momocchi," the blond whines.   
  
Kise feels butterflies forming in his stomach just at the thought of seeing Kuroko again after not having seen him for two or so weeks. He thinks he smells fine— he used some new shower gel and cologne this morning and he's dressed fine. Although he imagines Kuroko won't care either way, since the teen tends not to be concerned with physical aspects of other people. Kuroko looks at people for who they are and how they act rather than how they look.  
  
She folds her arms across her chest, eyes narrowed with a calculating glint sparkling in the stunning pink of her eyes. She taps her fingers against her arm. "You can thank me later by buying me those crepes at the store your manager's friend owns."  
  
"Ruthless," Kise manages to chuckle, scratching his head. Although he is grateful to her—immensely, actually— because it's not like he'd have any other opportunity to go on a clothes shopping date with Kuroko. "You're exploiting my dignity and my wallet."  
  
"All's fair in love and war, Ki-chan," she replies cheerfully.  
  
She seems to be happier lately, more playful, like she used to be back in the early days of Teikou. Kise wonders if he has Aomine to thank for that. He'll have to bother the dark-skinned teen later about their relationship.  
  
"Tetsu-kun!" Momoi waves suddenly, shouting over the crowd of passersby.  
  
Kise spots Kuroko in the distance, dressed in casual clothes, wearing a winter coat, left unbuttoned. Is he wearing gloves? Kuroko's always run a bit colder than everyone else, fingers sometimes icy to the touch.  
  
The Seirin player perks up at the sound of his name, looking over at them. Kise freezes when Kuroko catches his eyes easily through the throng of people and holds eye contact for a few moments longer than normal, eyes thoughtful, before shifting his attention to weaving through the crowd. He slips through easily, fluttering about like his namesake, like a phantom. Soon, he's standing in front of the two of them, expression expectant.  
  
"I met up with Kise on the way here," Momoi explains quickly. "He says he has some free time so I thought I'd string him along."  
  
The Touou Gakuen manager is a dreadful liar and she's well aware of that, but she's learned how to get by it somewhat. Kise knows she's taught herself to fudge the truth a little, so she's not quite full on lying. But if he's caught on to that habit of hers, then Kuroko has no doubt already figured it out. He feels the butterflies pushing against the edges of his stomach as his nervousness increases. The Kaijo ace fidgets next to her, curling and uncurling his fingers by his side, barely vibrating with anxious energy. He flushes when Kuroko's eyes flicker over to him. They aren't judgmental or knowing, rather, Kise can't really tell what the other is thinking at all.  
  
"I'm sorry, Tetsu-kun, but I don't think I'll actually be able to stay that long today," Momoi continues, clapping her hands together in apology. "My mom wants me to help clean the house and I have some homework I have left to do."  
  
"It's unlike you to leave things undone before going out, Momoi-san," Kuroko comments casually.  
  
He knows, Kise curses, he definitely knows.  
  
Momoi pouts and Kise has to commend her because if he didn't already know she was lying, he would've found the expression rather convincing.  
  
"Don't tease me, Tetsu-kun," she whines, "Dai-chan's been loitering my house even more since we started dating so I haven't been able to get much done."  
  
"Ah." Kuroko's eyes widen just slightly. Looks like Kise wasn't the only one out of the loop in this case. "Congratulations."  
  
Momoi might've just saved her story from reasonable doubt with that probably utterly true statement.  
  
"Thanks." Momoi waves her hand dismissively, continuing, "I think I'll just run in and look at some scarves for half an hour before I take off, if that's alright."  
  
Kuroko nods. "That's fine." He looks up at Kise with an expectant, almost challenging look in his eyes. "Will you accompany us?"  
  
"I'll make you look great?" Kise manages weakly.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
"Kurokocchi, turn this way."  
  
Kise finds his fingers clasping Kuroko's slight, bony shoulders to pin a hoodie up against his chest to see how it looks on him.  
  
The shorter boy directs his eyes up at him, and it's that very odd, piercing gaze that never fails to make Kise uncomfortable. Kise feels his grip tighten unconsciously on Kuroko out of frustration. He wishes he knew how to read the Seirin player the way the other always manages to read him. Then again, he's been told that he wears his heart on his sleeve.  
  
"Kise-kun," Kuroko prompts when the taller boy doesn't let go after a few moments.  
  
"Ah— s-sorry, Kurokocchi!" Kise jolts away as though scalded, dropping the shirt between them. He really hates how much he's been overthinking, how anxiety always manages to seep through whenever Kuroko's around. "I spaced a bit there."  
  
Kuroko doesn't say anything, instead bending down to pick up the hoodie Kise had chosen. He turns it over to look at the design in front, quirking an eyebrow at the Kaijo ace.  
  
"As I thought, you and I have very different standards," he deadpans.  
  
Kise feels himself loosen up as he makes an indignant face at the blue-haired teen. He's thinking too much. He really just needs to seize the moment in front of him, the chance date that Momoi set up for him. She even slipped off by herself when they weren't paying attention and just fired off a text later that she had to run to keep from disrupting the moment.  
  
"I think it would suit you very much!" Kise replies, pouting. "Please try it on before you decide anything."  
  
It's really a rather plain drawstring hoodie, creamy white with a big black heart on the front. There's another thing he thinks would look good on Kuroko— a slightly baggy sweater with long sleeves that says "Break my heart" in bubbly kanji along the front, but that'd be undoubtedly  _weird_  to suggest. Kise sticks his hands into his pockets, fingers clenching into fists, knuckles brushing against the soft insides of his coat.  
  
Kuroko wrinkles his nose, but then acquiesces with a soft, "Okay."  
  
Kise's sure he's heard wrong, but Kuroko's already turning to head to the dressing room with his other selection of clothes in tow. It seems he's caught the other in one of his more indulgent moods, because otherwise he usually flatly refuses to follow any of Kise's suggestions and whims. He's overthinking again, probably, so he turns back to browsing.

 

  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kise stands up on the bus for an older woman to sit down. She thanks him, her weary expression brightening at his kindness. The blond thinks he sees a hint of a smile on Kuroko's lips as he watches the scene, but it's so brief and slight he can't be sure. The two of them have been silent since the ride started, Kuroko with his attention on a new book, and Kise with his phone and his thoughts. The smaller boy ended buying quite a few new clothes on his trip and Kise feels some sense of satisfaction when he spies that Kuroko gave in and bought the skinny jeans and the hoodie Kise had picked out for him.  
  
"I'm sorry to have inconvenienced you," Kuroko says suddenly. His gaze doesn't leave his book.  
  
"Inconvenienced?" Kise echoes, confused. "It wasn't a hassle to take you shopping, Kurokocchi."  
  
The blue-haired boy looks up at him, eyes as honest and voice as straightforward as ever. "It wasn't part of your plan today to spend half a day wandering around a mall with me."  
  
"But I didn't mind it," the blond insists, leaning forward, hand tightening its grip on the bus grab handle. His heart feels too full and he hates it, he hates how Kuroko always manages to offset him-- manages to unsettle him. He says his next words before he can think them through. "You know, all you need to do is ask. I'm happy to spend time hanging out with you, no matter the context."  
  
Kuroko's eyes widen, as though he's surprised at Kise's honesty. He opens his mouth to say something when the bus hits a jolt. The shorter teen sails forward, face smushing against Kise's stomach. In an unusual display of clumsiness, the Seirin player fumbles with his book in his hand as he reaches out to put his hands on Kise's hips to steady himself. Kise is sure his face must be bright red. Today has sure been a lot of pleasant surprises.  
  
Kuroko picks up his book from where it had fallen on the ground and sits back in his seat, murmuring an apology. He thumbs the book open to where he was before before looking up at the blond model.  
  
"We won't be seeing much of each other in the near future." Kuroko looks back down at his book, flipping a page. "The Winter Cup semifinals are starting next week and I don't imagine Coach will let us off the leash in the days leading up to our first match."  
  
It'll be the same with Kasamatsu over at Kaijo honestly. Kise's expecting a lengthy email from his upperclassman by tonight on the outline of tomorrow's training menu. He's already fired off a text to his manager from earlier that he might not be able to do this week's scheduled photoshoot and he'll get an earful for that but he intends to lead Kaijo to victory this time. He's already failed once during Inter High and he's not going to let it happen again if he can do anything about it.  
  
"Let's have a good rematch," Kise says softly, voice full of unspoken things he wishes he could say out loud.  
  
And this time, he is certain Kuroko is smiling when the other teen replies, "Yes, I promise."

  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kise grabs Kuroko's hand after their Winter Cup match, outside the stadium where he failed his team, and he says the one phrase he's always wanted to tell to the other boy:  
  
"I'm in love with you."  
  
Kise doesn't care that Kagami is just a few feet away and hears him loud and clear.  
  
Kuroko looks at him, shocked, but not because Kise confessed-- something in his eyes says he always knew-- but because Kise chose to do so at this moment. Kagami departs ahead quietly, wistful, surprisingly considerate for someone everyone claims is so dense.  
  
"I love you," Kise says, desperate.  
  
The smaller boy slips his hand out of his grasp gently, but his pale blue eyes are tender in ways that make Kise's mouth dry and his throat close up and hope swell in the coiling depths of his being.   
  
"Please, Kise-kun," he says, very soft, fingers gently gripping at the tips of Kise's own.   
  
They're warm and the Kaijo ace thinks of kissing those pale hands, pressing his lips to Kuroko's pulse, and just savor the realization that this boy is alive and real and a part of his life in some capacity.   
  
"That's not what we're meant to be," Kuroko continues quietly, the look in his eyes strange, the slightest curve of his lips rueful. He lets his hand drop free from Kise's, watching silently as the taller boy's heart breaks visibly on his sleeve, as the crestfallen expression on his face sinks deeper.  
  
Kise swallows thickly, hot heat prickling at the rims of his eyes, and he smiles. The stretch of his mouth hurts, but he tilts his head and closes his eyes for a brief moment to regain his composure. And then he smiles wider.  
  
"That's okay, Kurokocchi, I still love you anyway." He takes a step back and he thinks of running away from all this because he is a coward, but he is a coward in love and he is more foolish than all of the King's Men combined. "I'm sorry. Nothing has to change."  
  
"Please don't decide such things on your own," Kuroko says sharply, abruptly.  
  
Kise has a fearful moment, thinking of what the Seirin starter will say— that perhaps he would not want to associate with Kise at all from now on.  
  
But the small boy in front of him looks so unchararacteristically unguarded and lost.  
  
"Please be patient, Kise-kun," Kuroko murmurs finally, looking up to him, the confidence returning back to his eyes somewhat, as though he has reached an inner understanding or compromise. "Things may change and not in the way you might think."  
  
And that's just barely enough; it gives him warmth in his cheeks, and something that feels like hope flittering about in his stomach.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
It's been a week and the Winter Cup is over with Seirin emerging as this year's victors. Kise has heard no word from Kuroko yet, and the anxiety doesn't get better, the feeling of hope when his phone vibrates is ever present, perhaps even stronger than before.  
  
"You're an idiot," Kagami says lightly, before sipping his hot chocolate. "And I thought Ahomine was bad."  
  
"You are a wonderful, supportive individual, Kagamicchi," Kise responds sullenly, tightening the scarf around his neck. He brings his feet up onto the couch and curls into the catty-corner.  
  
Kagami sighs heavily through his nose, setting his drink down. "Look, Kuroko's a real ruminator when he wants to be. He just doesn't show it." He traces the top of his cup absently, red eyes on the dark liquid inside. "He was trying to focus on the Winter Cup and it doesn't really justify anything to you, but I still think you should cut him some slack. But at any rate, if you want him to look at a potential relationship with you positively, you have to show him you mean it."  
  
Kise wilts further and if it wasn't so sad to see the teen curled up in a ball with a cold red nose and sad gold eyes, Kagami would find it comical.  
  
"Damn, you take things too literally," he grouses, scratching a hand through his unruly hair. "It's not that he thinks nothing good would come out of dating you. He's just scared."  
  
"I'm scared too," Kise manages quietly, muffled by his scarf. "I'm scared because I want him so much."  
  
No one said that love would burn as much as it warmed the heart and Kise certainly never expected it. He's been in relationships before, ones that make his heart flutter, his stomach tingle, and his cheeks hot with pleased heat. And then there's Kuroko, who makes him all of the above plus a searing burn that runs down his spine and doesn't fade.  
  
Kagami doesn't quite know what to say, seeing Kise so open and honest and vulnerable. He snuffles, rubbing at his nose, reaching for the tv remote.  
  
"Hey."  
  
The redhead glances over at the blond model expectantly. There's a dangerous sparkle in Kise's eyes that does not bode well.  
  
"Have you been with a guy before?"  
  
"Uh, well..." Kagami turns away to hide his flushing face, bringing up his arm to cover his cheek. He's always been surprisingly cute and embarrassed when it comes to romance. "Tatsuya and I have been dating for a little bit," he admits after a moment, mumbling.  
  
"Oh my god," comes out of Kise's mouth unbidden.  
  
"You asked!" Kagami snaps defensively, cheeks a self-conscious bright red hue. He groans, pinching his eyes. "God, why the fuck are we even talking about this?"  
  
"I was just curious," the Kaijo ace manages, rubbing at his still warm cheeks absently. That was unexpected and he feels embarrassed for overreacting.   
  
Kuroko sees everything with his pale ice blue eyes, he sees everything and he says just what he needs to say, but that's just enough for Kise. It's just enough for him to grasp blindly at straws, to wish helplessly for love, to desperately miss someone he's never even had.  
  
"I wanted to know what you'd do if you were in my position," Kise continues after a moment. He tucks his legs in closer. He folds his arms across the tops of his knees and burrows his nose in, "but I didn't think it would make sense to ask unless you were into guys."  
  
Kagami hums, scratching his head and sipping at his hot chocolate, deliberating. Kise suddenly has a twinge of fondness as he watches the other's still, thoughtful figure. The Seirin ace is handsome in a rough way, built physique, sharp features. Despite his looming figure and naturally intimidating expression, Kagami is really rather kind and silly. He really is a perfect basketball partner for Kuroko, because they balance, keeping each other in high spirits and cheering the other up when things look rough. Kagami's changed, from what Kise can gather, but that's no surprise. People who associate with Kuroko for long always seem to change in some way. Kise tilts his head, looking at the other teen through long lashes with rising curiosity. Maybe in some other world, Kise would be sitting at Kuroko's house talking about his feelings for Kagami instead.  
  
"I guess it's easy for me to say I'd already have asked him out."

Silence falls between them, and Kagami looks up at him expectantly.

"Kise," he says, and Kise groans.

"I'm sick of ruminating," he mumbles, deflating. The anxiety rises in him again, the low burn in his spine flares up with renewed vengeance. There's too much in his system and he has no way of expressing it. It is a slow romance he pursues, slow and painful, and he has taught himself to become patient. "I'm in love with him and he doesn't feel the same way or if he does, he doesn't want to act on those feelings."  
  
"Give him time," he replies wearily, rubbing at his face in frustration. "It took you about half a century to admit your feelings for him so the least you could do is be patient with him, you dickhead."  
  
"You're getting so mouthy these days," the model whines. He plops down on the arm of Kagami's chair, glaring at the other and pouting. "Did you get all that snark from Kurokocchi?"  
  
"I'm about to say worse things, to be honest."  
  
"That bluntness made Momocchi cry one time, you know."  
  
"Would you stop getting on my case about that? Momoi already dropped it."  
  
"Okay, okay," Kise sighs, leaning his weight against Kagami's shoulder, eyes shuttering close, "but only because you asked so nicely."  
  
"You already drape yourself all over Kuroko, so get off of me," the redhead grouses, shoving at Kise halfheartedly. "It's not like you," he says after a moment, when Kise refuses to budge.  
  
"That's what Kasamatsu-senpai says too."  
  
"You're going about this all wrong." An irritated growl escapes Kagami from behind clenched teeth. "That ain't very fair to Kuroko," the redhead says, jostling Kise again, this time a bit more forcefully.  
  
The Kaijo ace may be jealous of Kagami for his partnership with Kuroko, but he really is grateful that the smaller boy has someone who cares so much looking after him in Kise's stead.   
  
"Kurokocchi's not fair." Kise clenches his hands into fists and sits up, looking down at Kagami and Kagami sees someone lost in space, clinging to stars, wishing for answers. "He knew," he says very softly, sounding broken, and the redhead feels an overwhelming wave of pity. "He always knew. And he's just…"   
  
The teen gestures with his hands, arms waving helplessly, because he doesn't even know how to begin to explain these things in his heart because he's not sure he understands them himself. His words are not enough— they'll never be enough to encompass and pull apart his feelings for the small phantom sixth man of Teikou. Kise doesn't know what to say. Kuroko is just... everything he's ever wanted. The smaller boy inspires him to temper and change. Change and become less selfish, less impulsive and competitive, and become more honest and caring.  
  
  
  
~*~  
  
  
  
Kise's so tired— he half-wishes he had just accepted Kagami's offer to sleep over. His phone vibrates in his pocket as he gets onto the train to head home.  He ignores it— it's probably just his mom wondering where he is. The blond suddenly feels a twinge of guilt. He's been fairly distant with her lately, so of course she's worried. He quickly pulls his phone out and thumbs the accept call button without looking at the screen.  
  
"Hey, Mom, sorry I'm coming home late. I was at a friend's house—"  
  
"I'm not your mother, Kise-kun," Kuroko says dryly through the slightly fuzzy static. Reception is not the most reliable down in the subways and Kise is sure he's heard wrong, but there's no mistaking Kuroko's voice.  
  
"Please say something," the other boy says, a slightly anxious tint to his tone. "You are not making this any easier on me, Kise-kun."  
  
"You really… are not a very nice person, Kurokocchi," the blond teen laughs shakily, rubbing at his suddenly warm eyes. His entire body feels warm and the butterflies in his stomach are pleasant instead of stinging, his heart beating firm and confident. "You've kept me waiting."  
  
"I'm sorry," Kuroko says softly, and it's a genuine apology. "I also wanted to have this conversation face to face if at all possible so would you be patient a little longer? If it is not convenient, could we meet tomorrow?"  
  
"Tonight," Kise says, breathless, cheeks warm, and he prays for kindness and miracles.  
  
Kuroko sighs heavily, but fondly. "You're pushy," he says after a long moment, but he doesn't sound irritated in the slightest.  
  
"That's not a no."  
  
"No, it's not," he concedes gently. "I'll let my mother know that we're having a guest over."  
  
"I love you," the Kaijo ace blurts out hastily, feeling courageous in the moment. "I love you a lot."  
  
Kuroko doesn't respond right away and despite the other teen being farther away than ever, for once, Kise feels as though he can read him better than ever before. He senses embarrassment in the other's silence and hesitation, nervousness.  
  
"Please make sure you are warm when you get off the train," the teen says slowly, carefully picking his words. Kise doesn't miss the abashed waver of his voice, the murmur of excited uncertainty. "Take care."  
  
Kuroko ends the call hurriedly after his last words. Kise tucks his phone back into his pocket and readjusts his scarf, unable to control his wide grin and hot cheeks.  
  
It turns out be an empty romantic is not such a bad thing after all.


End file.
